Friendship cross borders
Yolande came to spend a few days with me at the Airbnb in Durban, to help me pull me out of my rut. I met Yolande the first time I came to South Africa, back in 2015. I had been accepted to do a 6 month internship at an NGO in a small town called Pietermaritzburg, almost an hour away from Durban. Yolande was one of the many young, impressive adults carrying the organization, she took me into her heart from day one.
Today, she empowers women (and men) to break gender norms through her DIY YouTube channel. Her slogan “Power tools have no gender” inspires people daily to create everything from their own furniture to whole home renovations. If you want a teacher you should definitely check out her Youtube channel.
When we first met, in October 2015, Yolande took one look at me as I stepped out of the taxi and said “You and I, we’re gonna be friends.” And so it was. When she looked at me now, seven years later, she just shook her head and said “Hayi sis” and gave me the biggest hug she could muster. To spend three days with someone who truly knows me felt like a blessing. We worked and gossiped during the days and spoiled ourselves by going to Florida road for dinner in the evenings. Florida road is a very cozy restaurant & bar street in Durban. Some places are a bit more expensive but it has a really nice vibe, it is a good environment for heart to hearts.
When we first met, in October 2015, Yolande took one look at me as I stepped out of the taxi and said “You and I, we’re gonna be friends.” And so it was. When she looked at me now, seven years later, she just shook her head and said “Hayi sis” and gave me the biggest hug she could muster. To spend three days with someone who truly knows me felt like a blessing. We worked and gossiped during the days and spoiled ourselves by going to Florida road for dinner in the evenings. Florida road is a very cozy restaurant & bar street in Durban. Some places are a bit more expensive but it has a really nice vibe, it is a good environment for heart to hearts.
Bachata in Durban
One of our evenings together, I managed to get in contact with a small, local dance school that was holding beginner salsa and bachata classes. I’m no beginner but I longed to dance so bad! Yolande, who has never taken a dance class in her life, to my surprise said she would love to go! I shouldn’t have been surprised as she, to this day, has never said anything but yes to my ideas. I love that about her. I think we laughed more than I have in weeks during those three hours on the dance floor. What a feeling!
The dance school is called Pa mi Corazon and is led by the bachata dancer Faheem. If you are in Durban and want to enter a loving and open dance family I would warmly recommend messaging them on instagram to see when they have their classes. Faheem asked me if I was going to the Mother City Dance Festival in Cape Town later this month. “I certainly am now that you told me!” It felt like an answer to my prayers. A dance festival, an opportunity to just emerge into body and music for a whole week. Thank you lord!
How to travel authentically?
When Yolande left I realized she had anchored me. Being mirrored by somebody that loves you can have that effect. But now I need to be my own anchor. The dance festival in Cape Town has given me a new direction but it is not the same thing as being grounded. What do I need to anchor myself? When I started this journey I thought it was going to be a shared experience. Since that plan fell apart I am left with the desire to, in some way, share this experience. The idea of writing a blog started right here.
I feel it is ironic that I am once again a tourist in this country, when I promised myself last time I was here, pre-pandemic, to never be a tourist in this country again. Not because I don’t want to be here in South Africa, but because it is unbearably lonely to be on the outside of a context that you once used to be a part of. I long for community and context – as a tourist, my feeling is that you are always on the outside of the real life of the country.
How can I travel without getting stuck in the tourist bubble? Are there ways to travel that allows for genuine connections and contexts? An old dream of traveling Africa by bus has started resurfacing but I am unsure how I can align that with my desire to be a part of… something.
